I DECIDED I’M FINE: A ROACH PLAY

(FIRST PRODUCTION)
A Devised Piece by The Attic Collective

The Attic Collective
Son of Semele Theater
Los Angeles, California
August 2018

“When does clutter become a problem, and whose problem does it become? I Decided I’m Fine: A Roach Play addresses hoarding, a phenomenon which is often stigmatized but rarely meaningfully discussed. After the sudden death of their infant child, Ellen and Stephen find themselves faced with the difficult task of moving on from the objects that remind them of the incident. For Ellen, this proves to be too overwhelming of a task, leading to years of compulsive accumulation. Juxtaposed with the play’s realism is a second layer of the play which utilizes clowning, comedy, and a cockroach musical to steer the audience through the many different ways hoarding is perceived and portrayed in society.”

The first production of I Decided I’m Fine: A Roach Play was the conclusion of a devised process which began with a series of physical explorations of various source materials including images of hoarded spaces, episodes of the TV show “Hoarders”, children's books about heirlooms, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders’ definition of Compulsive Hoarding Disorder, and a detailed description of every item buried with King Tut. Using these source materials as inspiration, the group worked to answer some key questions: What are the different reasons people begin hoarding? Socioeconomically speaking, who gets to be considered a “hoarder”, and who gets to be considered a “collector”? Why are people voyeuristically intrigued by TV shows like “Hoarders”, which often sensationalize and oversimplify this condition? Through the empathy required to thoughtfully consider these questions, the first version of this show was born, and centered on the story of a woman experiencing compulsive hoarding disorder as a response to trauma after her daughter dies of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. When, months after the incident, Ellen tries to throw away what is left of her daughter’s things, a mysterious but endearing Goblin baby emerges from her daughter’s crib with its hands outstretched. When Ellen tries to walk away the baby cries, drawing Ellen back to the crib. Ellen relinquishes the trash bag to the Goblin baby’s delight, and she finds herself soothed by the joy the Goblin finds in the objects. This is the beginning of the accumulation of objects we observe in Ellen, and over the course of the next ninety minutes the theatre gradually becomes overwhelmed with objects to the Goblin’s delight and to the horror and dismay of the family. As Ellen fills the stage with her hoarded items, the claustrophobic atmosphere becomes both the Kingdom of the Goblin, and the playground of a musical band of roaches which sing irreverently about Ellen’s grief.